Failure

Failure - should never be an option

When it happens however, you just have to deal with it. Such is the case with therapy and me today. My therapist cannot recommend ongoing therapy for two reasons. First changes in Medicare limit the number of annual sessions and I have exceeded mine, and two, she has to prove that I made significant gains with therapy over the last two months. Unfortunately, I have not made these gains. I agree with her assessment as does Bob. It is simply too expensive to do therapy for so long and not apply it at home.

Let me to explain. Since July I have participated in physical therapy twice weekly at St. David’s rehab in Austin. My PT, Casey has been great, very challenging. She was able to get me walking regularly without my cane, both inside and outside. Walk on the treadmill without holding on to the bar, ride a recumbent bicycle outside, and teach me what it feels like to truly weight shift on the left. I have to say, it is the most unnatural feeling to weight shift to the left before I move my right foot forward. It is supposed to feel like I’m falling to the left. Bob’s theory is that I don’t see my left side; therefore, I don’t know what’s over there.

When I fail, I realize I have two courses of action. One is to “take my toys and go home.” Or two, get mad and show Casey that this is simply a break and she should take me back in January. I choose #2 that I can do this and perhaps I just needed a break to get my mind right. With Bob’s coaching and lots of practice, I believe I can be ready.

I’m going to prove that this setback is temporary.

spontaneous combustion

When I began writing this blog approximately a year and a half ago, I had two goals:  One was to help stroke survivors in their recovery and keep it real and , only write what you would say to your audience if you were two feet away from them.

Yesterday, while sitting in Bob’s shop watching him construct a longhorn for a client, suddenly there was noise as loud as a rifle shot going off inches from my ear.   It shook us both because it was so loud, left me momentarily deaf in my left ear, and shook the ground beneath bob. It took about 30 minutes to figure out what it was---a tire blew on Bob’s gasoline-powered skateboard.  It just blew.

Last night as I was walking to the kitchen to get to bed, my left arm was flapping against my leg; it occurred to me in that second  that my arm will likely never work again.  It also occurred to me that may things may never work againsuch as my left- side vision and aility to drive.  Damn!

Ok, I just broke goal number two because I would never say this to my mother or mother-in-law but I needed it for effect and punctuation so please forgive me.

This is the first time in six years that I feel a little hopeless I just “blew” like the tire, it may just be a spontaneous random thing.

test Adventure

After 30 years of marriage it’s difficult to find new and fun adventures.  It’s particularly challenging due to my stroke, this past week Bob shattered any barriers we had to try something new.  Do I have your attention?

Two weeks ago Bob left Austin to attend the Burning Man festival in the desert.  He and other team members helped a Houston artist assemble a huge sculpture.

I elected to meet Bob on the back end of his trip so I could hear the burning man stories. Bob rented a 40-ft. RV that could pull a 3, 000 lb. trailer.  I flew to Vegas on Wednesday to meet Bob. We spent the next four days living in the RV while we headed back to Austin. This included many first such as camping in RV Parks, eating freeze dried meals, walking halfway across the Pat Tillman bridge, visiting three national monuments/parks in one day (Anasazi ruins, Meteor Crater and Petrified Forest).

We spent the night in Kingman, Arizona, Gallup and Las Cruces New Mexico. The last night Bob grilled venison sausage and vegetables.  We had a feast while viewing the blue moon. I probably couldn’t convince camping purists that sleeping in a RV is camping but it’s as close as I want to get.   We didn’t have unlimited running water, AC, and other conveniences and I gauge the fact that I didn’t shower for four days that I was “roughing” it. I was enthralled the whole time driving 1300 miles. Mainly, I was blown away by Bob’s preparation for the trip. He cleaned the RV of dust from Burning Man prior to meeting me in Vegas, grocery shopped, and planned four nights of meals. What I learned about myself during this trip was at times it was very hard to travel this way.  Just getting in and out of the RV was terrifying I have to push myself every day if want to have new adventures.

connections

I recently made an old and new connection. – Both are important to my recovery

The old connection is catching up with my college roommate.  Funny story, the other day I was parked in front of a nail shop with my sister-in-law.  While waiting to go in, I saw a young woman enter and said to myself:  “that girl has a cute butt and I like her outfit.”   Seconds later, out came my college roommate, Patty.  She exited the shop next door. We lived together while at UT in the ‘80s..  We also vowed to get together soon, which we did.   The new connection is my physical therapist, Casey.  I have worked with at least seven PTs since the stroke. Casey stands out because she challenges me each and every session.  It’s almost as if she has made me her personal challenge to improve my walking. Every session she comes up with something new to try –she thinks “outside the box”. I am fortunate to be working with Casey. Of course, I have to show improvement in order to continue to have therapy approved.  Rekindling relationships with those who knew me before and after the stroke is as important to me as a new relationship to the next step in mobility.