a reset

Several years after my stroke I aspired for independent living.  Now that I have it I can safely say it’s worth it but not all its cracked up to be.  Bob does not come home every weekend due to work demands but when he does I refer to him as “reset Bob”. This weekend in less than24 hours he:

·        Reset the TV (it wasn’t working before he came)

·        Fixed things around the house so it will show better such as burning brush down by the driveway; he also removed a lot of clutter

·        Reset my eating and sleeping habits (I don’t do either well when he is away)

·        Took care of my Mexican food fix

·        Made sure my trike is  maintained

·        Found a King snake and made sure it will not get in my way

·        Recalibrated my speech I have to give on Tuesday to UT Speech and Hearing grad students

·        Overall, it is just more fun with Bob around

In my last blog, I suggested if you don’t have form of exercise, you should get one.  Today I recommend if you don’t have a “Bob/partner, you should get one.one could argue that if I was truly independent, why do I need “resetting” and my answer is:  “I just do.”

Life's elixir

Last Friday my brother-in-law was in town from Chicago and we wanted to go on a bike ride.  I took him on my ~8 mile.  route Here is what he wrote to his siblings after our ride: 

“Annie invited me biking today. I figured what the hey, I can putter up and down their street for 30 minutes then wade into Bobby's beer supply. Nearly two hours later I am in "Laura's Room" (their front deck) bathed in sweat with my heart still at about 160 bpm. (And, yes, in Bobby's beer supply.) Annie does 8.8 miles! Highways! Monster hills! It was exhilarating and terrifying. The cars fear her more than she fears the cars. I don't care how courageous you thought Annie was, you have no idea until you have tried to keep up with her on this trek.”  While on this ride, it occurred to me that there was no place on the planet I would rather be for those 2 hours. Living in the moment is very important for those recovering from stroke. Don’t dwell too much in what you can’t do but what you can do don’t focus too much on what others can do; enjoy what you can do and keep pushing the envelope.   My recommendation is if you don’t have some form of exercise you can do, you need to get one and in a hurry.  In my opinion, it is life’s elixir, e. g. it cures anything that ails you. Or at a minimum takes your mind off of it.

I get it

For  years Bob has said when we travel he has to think about getting himself ready, getting me ready and getting us ready; Consequently, the hassle factor can almost negate our ability to travel.

This past weekend I traveled to Houston via bus and finally get what Bob has been saying.

Just to get out the door I had to make sure the house was "show ready", remember to ask my assistant to put my luggage in the back of my car before she left so the cab driver didn’t have to come in the house to get my bags, and ask cab driver to close the garage door. I carried something to the car to add to my bag and realized I had never opened the trunk of my car because I don’t drive. In the process I dropped my cane three times and panicked because I was on an incline. By the time I got in the cab, I was exhausted. I instantly reflected on Bob's comment and pondered all he has done for us in the past.

...I liked this process because now I get it and knowI can and want to can do it myself.

home alone

A few years ago I suggested to Bob that I try living on my own for several reasons, the primary being free Bob from being a caregiver fulltime.  (At that time I required quite a bit of assistance.) It was a difficult time because I was totally convinced I could live on my own.  My stubbornness was unwavering. Bob, as my caregiver knew I was not ready.    One fall in the shower and that would be the end.  Ultimately, we jointly concluded that I was not ready.

Fast forward 3 years I am now living on my own due to Bob’s new job requiring him to be out of town all week.  The purpose of this blog is to share the pros and cons of living alone and is it all I was hoping it would be. 

Pros:  I am totally independent this will help me in the future if I did have my own place or if I have to go live with a relative.

I love not being told what to do and figuring it out for myself. For example, I have to plan a lot more and coordinate with my assistants/drivers in a more efficient manner

I have to run our household, coordinate with all contractors, realtors, etc.

Keep the house “potential buyer ready” at all times

I have to coordinate my entertainment/social so I don’t allow myself to get bored

Work through possible issues without always relying on Bob.  For example today, I knew we were going to have a thunderstorm so I prepared in the event of a power outage. 

The bottom line is I typically rely on Bob for everything and that’s not fair to either of us.  This “forced “independence will only help me in the future.  The trick is when Bob is home not to fall back to old habits.

The cons include:

I miss my pal, Bob, during the week, particularly around the dinner hour because he is such a good companion. 

I watch too much TV/movies

When I do go out, My hair never looks as good as when Bob is here and gives me a hand with the styling.

It is always, always more fun when Bob is around.

I have to rely on my neighbors more than usual

I comfortably conclude that independent living exceeds my expectations.