overcoming the fear of walking

As of today, Saturday, I have overcome my walking issue.  I didn’t really change anything with my walking so I guess in hindsight it was psychological.  Bob was right, as usual.

What happened? Or how did I fix it? I think it was a combination of Matocha determination/stubbornness and family support (more on this later).

I recently watched the documentary, “The Masters” on PBS. Aimee Mullins was quoted.  She is a double amputee athlete and she expressed my sentiment perfectly:  “Of course I have moments of self-doubt.  I just don’t allow myself to stay there.”  One of my sisters is a social worker in Vermont and upon analysis of my challenge she walked me through tools to overcome the fear.

The bottom line is my walking issue occurs because of a fear of falling.  Fear is very real and she explained how my brain works in response to fear and gave me relaxation/mindfulness tools when the challenge reoccurs. If I have another scare, I have three choices, fight, run, or freeze.  Since I can’t run, that leaves me with two choices. Last week I was freezing and now I know what to do thanks to my sister. Walk on…..

setbacks: real or psychological?

In my mind my current setback is real but I am in the minority.

About three weeks ago, I imposed a “no wheelchair use while at home” rule.  I was simply relying on my wheelchair too much, so I put a complete stop to it unless I have to carry liquids or heavy items.  This rule was working.  I could walk to any room or area in the house.  However all of a sudden, I developed a phobia where if there is no wall or item on my right side I couldn’t walk by it.  I am stifled by the fear of falling (real).  If Bob or anyone lends me their hand, I can walk.  This behavior transferred to outside my house. When in unfamiliar territory, I am more reliant on needing to walk with someone close by. When I do hold someone’s hand, the touch is so light it’s a wonder that I need anyone at all (psychological).

So, what do I do?  I practice while at home with the wheelchair near by.  The other day, I got stuck in my closet for 15 minutes because I thought I couldn’t walk, until I finally figured it out. 

I’ve considered hypnosis, but haven’t acted on that yet. My opinion is I cannot feel my left leg, therefore I need more stability; hence the need to hold someone’s hand (real).

The question is, “Where did this come from” and “Why the sudden onset”(psychological)?  At this writing, I’m not sure it matters.  In my mind it’s real and I have to fix it or face the consequences:  staying home. The latter is not an option