challenged

Nervous, positive, humbled, ready, needy -these are the words that come to mind during my first week of physical, speech and occupational therapy. The outpatient program at TIRR Memorial Hermann is called “challenge” and after one week I know it is aptly named.  We first worked on goals and then started the actual work.  It has been several years since I participated in organized therapy and realize that you can never have enough.  Goals were jointly identified for physical and speech therapy.

For physical therapy:

·        Improve walking speed

·        Improve gait endurance

·        Be able to transfer from floor to standing in the event of a fall.

For speech therapy:

·        improve attention to left visual field using therapies

·        Use memory strategies to improve recall

·        Reduce rate of speech; increase volume

I attend four times per week and generally 3-6 hours each time. 

After my first month, I will report back. I’m now wondering why I ever stopped therapy. It is probably because I thought I had progressed to where I no longer needed therapy; clearly this is not the case.  Bring on the “challenge.”

od friends are ike gold

This week I went to dinner with two friends from high school that I haven’t seen in a very long time.  What was unusual about the evening was all three of us are survivors, one from diabetes and a kidney transplant, one from uterine and breast cancer and me from a stroke--three soldier survivors.  Laughs ensued early because we observed every conversation these days begins with 20 minutes of health updates.   We had snacks and a cocktail at my house and then walked to a neighborhood restaurant for dinner.  Earlier in the week, I practiced the walk with my assistant.  I didn’t want to be a burden to my friends not accustomed to dealing with me. 

I looked up the common expression “Cloud 9” – it means you are having a heavenly experience, as if you were up on a special cloud. I commented to Bob later that evening that walking to a restaurant with friends, at night made me feel that I was on Cloud10.  This ability to walk is 100% attributed to the walker Bob found and purchased in April. It has augmented my life. My point is, find those tools that help you succeed.

friends

In the Sept 21, New York Times, David Brooks writes “Ancient writers from Aristotle to Cicero to Montaigne described friendship as the pre-eminent human institution. You can go without marriage, or justice, or honor, but friendship is indispensable to life. Each friendship, they continued, has positive social effects. Lovers face each other, but friends stand side-by-side, facing the world — often working on its behalf. Aristotle suggested that friendship is the cornerstone of society.”

I took a trip last weekend on my own that ties these thoughts.  My friends invited me for a weekend on the lake, which is great closure for the summer.  While at home in Houston, I spend a lot of time alone so being with my friends helps me remember how to have real conversations, share experiences, ideas, etc.

David Brooks also writes, “Friendship helps people make better judgments. “The reason it felt do good to be with my friends from Austin again is because they know me and bob very well.  They know when   I’m not being sincere and they make me think about areas for improvement.  I really enjoy getting updated on their lives and it makes me realize how in insular I can be because I focus so much on recovery.  For example one friend shared a recent health scare with her son.  I knew nothing about this and felt instantly selfish. 

Another interesting point he wrote that “Middle-aged people have particular problems nurturing friendships and building new ones. They are so busy with work and kids that friendship gets squeezed out.” I have been friends with these women for 30 + years and I’m so thankful they stuck with me.  I’m making new friends in Houston but it is difficult so I relate to this comment.

This trip personifies my ongoing sense of normal. When I am away, I don’t focus or really even think about the stroke.  I just “be”

This blog is a tribute to my friends who have stuck with me all these years through the good and the hard times. Thank you.

Its their turn

I landed in Singapore in 1983 at the age of 25. Bob dropped me at a hotel and took off for Hong Kong, Manila and Taipei. He was gone for two weeks and I had never been past Acapulco. Here I was in a strange city and I knew no one. I carved my path from there.

I'm having a lot of fun watching the next generation figure out their future. They have the next 25 years plus to discover who they are and what they're going to be. It’s pretty neat to see their choices. For example, my niece just got married and is starting her new life in Dallas; my nephew got married in a private ceremony and is living in Austin; another niece just moved to New York to live and start a business; two nieces are in Austin in graduate programs; nephews all over the U.S. starting their careers; one is a guitar performance artist. I find myself not wishing I was in my 20’sagain but musing about their life ahead and choices, hoping they find the happiness and fulfillment that I did.   Their paths motivate me to look at the opportunities ahead and consider my next moves.

taking inventory

No one ever asks me “What’s it like to be me?” Actually, I like talking about the stroke.  Once I asked my very good friend why her husband or brother (also my friends) never mentioned it to me.  She said they are uncomfortable and sad, and don’t know what to say.

So, I thought I could use this forum to answer the question. I’ll give sort of an inventory of my mind, and my body. Generally, I use this blog and have written many times that I prefer to focus on what I can do so for the first time I’m shifting gears and being totallyhonest.

The big picture is I don’t feel the left side of my body, it’s called hemiparesis.  The manifestation of this is that I never quite feel centered.  This manifests when I sleep and walk.  Think of sitting on a hree-legged stool 100% of the time.  You are never completely balanced.  Also, I cannot take a step without putting on my orthotic (Leg brace).  My left arm doesn’t move at all so I’ve learned to adapt to using my right hand for everything. I can’t write legibly because I used to be left-handed so I rely on my assistant or typing. Probably the biggest issue of the hemiparesis is my vision.  I have zero left side peripheral vision which means I can’t drive.  I’m easily startled when people approach me on the left. Only seeing the right side limits my ability to read quickly and type/text without errors. My vocal cords and intestines are impacted by the paralysis, meaning I can no longer sing, which was my passion.   

Regarding my mind, my world is slower--I think slower and move slower.  I think the most difficult aspect of the stroke is that I don’t work or contribute to our income.  Bob takes such good care of me and is committed to making every day happy. He has never once in eight years complained that I don’t earn a salary.   However, I was trained from early on that you make your own way and to be independent. I supplement my time with volunteer work, Spanish lessons, etc. Frankly, it’s not the same. I observe my friend’s achievements and left jealous. My mind thinks faster than I can perform so it is a conscious effort to slow everything down including talking.  The mistakes I consistently make frustrate me.

I accomplished my objective of being brutally honest.  The bottom line is I’m glad to still be here even with all these issues.   I thank Bob every day for saving my life.

You can get there from here

We have several reasons why we settled in the Houston neighborhood in that we did.  They include:  proximity to restaurants, bars, museums, parks, bicycle trails, metro station, etc. Basically places I can walk to. This is a picture I reflect upon occasionally to remind myself how far I’ve come.

 

This was taken seven years ago and I could not walk at this time. Three recent events are the impetus for this blog and they are all centered on walking:

1.       Walking with  my father when I visit him on the weekends

2.      Walking with Bob to our local bistro for a beer and a snack

3.      Walking with my mother-in-law to attend an IMAX film

This is a picture I prefer to focus on because of what it allows me to do now everything I can do now is 100% due to the support of Bob, my family and friends- Both financial and time

I prefer to look forward and while I know I still have lots of room for improvement. My focus now, if ever I think I can’t, I know I can. 

It's about time

These were my sister’s words when she learned I rode my trike or the first time since we moved to Houston months ago.   It’s not that easy.   To make this happen his morning Bob had to bring my trike over to the condo.  He pump up the tires. Walk it down the hallway, put in elevator and walk it outside the parking garage of the condo.  He also solicited help from a good friend to ride in front and guard against traffic while Bob was my wing man.  We rode through our neighborhood to Hermann Park and two loops around the 2 mile track. We encountered lots of joggers and walkers and up and down sidewalks.  In Austin I never dealt with any of this so the support needs are far greater. We rode about 6 miles total and at the end stopped at a neighborhood coffee shop.  While sitting there, I reflected that I r felt as normal as I did before my stroke at that moment.  It was a thrilling sensation.

Now I have completed my 5 self-imposed pillars to get to independence:

While Bob will have to ride next to me for the next few time, we are headed in the right direction.