Two Events

The confluences of two events this week form today’s blog.  They are:

1.      An award winning documentary, Luckey, about a Connecticut architect, Tom Luckey who is paralyzed when he falls out of a window he designed.  The documentary explores how a crisis impacts your family and quality of life. 

2.      A senior student at the University of Texas studying communication’s disorders interviewed me this week fulfill a course project:  interview one person with a speech/language difference, or disorder that affects their communication in some way. The student asked me quite a few questions about my family’s involvement and how did they react and what are some of the biggest misconceptions about being a stroke survivor?

Today I will focus on Tom Lackey’s experience and how I relate to his experience and some of his messages.   The accident changed his relationship with his wife and son and not necessarily in a good way.

In my case the family relationship was impacted by this crisis in a positive way.  Pure and simple, it brought us all closer together.  I believe my incident also changed the relationship with my family but in a good way.  Tom Luckey explores these areas in the film:

-         He says:  “it is very hard to grasp we have a new adventure; we are on a new life’s adventure.”  “I have to let go of my old life.”

-        “How do I get used to who I am now?”

-        “Who I was gets more and more distant as time goes on.”

A while ago, my sister-in-law, Allison, mentioned I should blog about how I feel?  I couldn’t address this until now because I didn’t know how. Tom’s thoughts above helped me articulate how I feel.     

It has been hard to grasp that this is our new adventure and our “new normal. “When I do explore who I was and who I am, I do it in the context of family. The part that I still question is who am I becoming?

I was and am and hope to always be a:

·        Friend

·        Partner/spouse

·        Daughter

·        Sister

·        Daughter-in-law

·        Sister-in-law

·        Aunt

The only thing missing is being an employee, which I hope to become again someday.

I used to think it was important to hold on to whom I was but now I just don’t think it matters, I/We have to make new memories.

My left arm

I used to be left-handed and am no longer. It shows clearly in my handwriting. Prior to my stroke I was what is called “left-dominant”. The reason this blog is called “stroke survivor” is because I made it through the complications of a massive stroke and every day I have to learn how to manage with a left arm that no longer responds. I could go on and on about the things I will never be able to so again like ride a bicycle outside, swim using both arms, snow ski, and type 120 words a minute. I can no longer chase “personal best” sports activities – something my husband and I enjoyed. If you are curious, tie your dominant hand to your belt and try it yourself. You can see how so many things get harder!  But I’d rather focus on the things that I’m doing to try and make it work again. Remember the mantra:  Focus on the things you can do.

For some reason, my affected arm and hand hangs straight down. Many stroke patients have to be concerned about the bad arm curling up, and the hand clenching, which is why many people wear a hand brace. Perhaps because I exercise the arm the muscles haven’t atrophied. I don’t know. Mine does look different and the weight pulls my shoulder down. I am able to dress myself pretty easily if the fabric stretches since the arm doesn’t fight me. Today is not about addressing my physical appearance with a limp left arm or how I look in clothes, etc.  That’s a topic to address after I have gone shopping.  What I am addressing is the exercises I do to try and keep some muscle tone in the arm, and improve range of motion in the affected shoulder.  Here is what I do:

Arm pulleys that at stretch my left arm above my head or as high as I can go.  I have to wrap my left arm in a sling and tighten it down before I can raise it with right arm. 

Put 5 lbs. of weights in my left hand and using my right arm, curl my left forearm up, keeping the elbow braced between my waist and my chair to protect that elbow joint.  I wouldn’t feel the arm if I hurt it, so I have to pay close attention.

I also have to keep my right side strong, and I use it to help my left.  I have to be able to do these exercises without assistance, so that I’m not depending on my husband or a caregiver to assist me.

At the end of the day I realize my arm probably won’t ever work like it used to. Everyday I try and make it better.