a reset

Several years after my stroke I aspired for independent living.  Now that I have it I can safely say it’s worth it but not all its cracked up to be.  Bob does not come home every weekend due to work demands but when he does I refer to him as “reset Bob”. This weekend in less than24 hours he:

·        Reset the TV (it wasn’t working before he came)

·        Fixed things around the house so it will show better such as burning brush down by the driveway; he also removed a lot of clutter

·        Reset my eating and sleeping habits (I don’t do either well when he is away)

·        Took care of my Mexican food fix

·        Made sure my trike is  maintained

·        Found a King snake and made sure it will not get in my way

·        Recalibrated my speech I have to give on Tuesday to UT Speech and Hearing grad students

·        Overall, it is just more fun with Bob around

In my last blog, I suggested if you don’t have form of exercise, you should get one.  Today I recommend if you don’t have a “Bob/partner, you should get one.one could argue that if I was truly independent, why do I need “resetting” and my answer is:  “I just do.”

Life's elixir

Last Friday my brother-in-law was in town from Chicago and we wanted to go on a bike ride.  I took him on my ~8 mile.  route Here is what he wrote to his siblings after our ride: 

“Annie invited me biking today. I figured what the hey, I can putter up and down their street for 30 minutes then wade into Bobby's beer supply. Nearly two hours later I am in "Laura's Room" (their front deck) bathed in sweat with my heart still at about 160 bpm. (And, yes, in Bobby's beer supply.) Annie does 8.8 miles! Highways! Monster hills! It was exhilarating and terrifying. The cars fear her more than she fears the cars. I don't care how courageous you thought Annie was, you have no idea until you have tried to keep up with her on this trek.”  While on this ride, it occurred to me that there was no place on the planet I would rather be for those 2 hours. Living in the moment is very important for those recovering from stroke. Don’t dwell too much in what you can’t do but what you can do don’t focus too much on what others can do; enjoy what you can do and keep pushing the envelope.   My recommendation is if you don’t have some form of exercise you can do, you need to get one and in a hurry.  In my opinion, it is life’s elixir, e. g. it cures anything that ails you. Or at a minimum takes your mind off of it.

I get it

For  years Bob has said when we travel he has to think about getting himself ready, getting me ready and getting us ready; Consequently, the hassle factor can almost negate our ability to travel.

This past weekend I traveled to Houston via bus and finally get what Bob has been saying.

Just to get out the door I had to make sure the house was "show ready", remember to ask my assistant to put my luggage in the back of my car before she left so the cab driver didn’t have to come in the house to get my bags, and ask cab driver to close the garage door. I carried something to the car to add to my bag and realized I had never opened the trunk of my car because I don’t drive. In the process I dropped my cane three times and panicked because I was on an incline. By the time I got in the cab, I was exhausted. I instantly reflected on Bob's comment and pondered all he has done for us in the past.

...I liked this process because now I get it and knowI can and want to can do it myself.

home alone

A few years ago I suggested to Bob that I try living on my own for several reasons, the primary being free Bob from being a caregiver fulltime.  (At that time I required quite a bit of assistance.) It was a difficult time because I was totally convinced I could live on my own.  My stubbornness was unwavering. Bob, as my caregiver knew I was not ready.    One fall in the shower and that would be the end.  Ultimately, we jointly concluded that I was not ready.

Fast forward 3 years I am now living on my own due to Bob’s new job requiring him to be out of town all week.  The purpose of this blog is to share the pros and cons of living alone and is it all I was hoping it would be. 

Pros:  I am totally independent this will help me in the future if I did have my own place or if I have to go live with a relative.

I love not being told what to do and figuring it out for myself. For example, I have to plan a lot more and coordinate with my assistants/drivers in a more efficient manner

I have to run our household, coordinate with all contractors, realtors, etc.

Keep the house “potential buyer ready” at all times

I have to coordinate my entertainment/social so I don’t allow myself to get bored

Work through possible issues without always relying on Bob.  For example today, I knew we were going to have a thunderstorm so I prepared in the event of a power outage. 

The bottom line is I typically rely on Bob for everything and that’s not fair to either of us.  This “forced “independence will only help me in the future.  The trick is when Bob is home not to fall back to old habits.

The cons include:

I miss my pal, Bob, during the week, particularly around the dinner hour because he is such a good companion. 

I watch too much TV/movies

When I do go out, My hair never looks as good as when Bob is here and gives me a hand with the styling.

It is always, always more fun when Bob is around.

I have to rely on my neighbors more than usual

I comfortably conclude that independent living exceeds my expectations.

report card

Today, I’m starting my third week of independence.  Bob started his new job in Houston three weeks ago, which leaves me home during the week--so far so good with some twists, (more on this later).  A typical day consists of reading the paper, Spanish class and homework, a two-hour bike ride, errands, de-cluttering the house in preparation for our move to Houston, and house chores to prepare for showings. Bob handled our move to Austin 100% on his own since I was traveling,   ’m determined to make up for this 13 years later.When I get bored I cook and  I went a little crazy preparing for bob's homecoming the first weekend. I made a quiche, blueberry corncakes, chocolate chip cookies, and meatloaf and mashed potatoes.  Several of these were challenging with one hand. This is one of the twists, before cooking I have to stop and think through all the steps to make sure I can handle with one hand.One afternoon I was in our dressing area and I dropped my cane.   When I tried to move, I couldn't and certain I would fall.   I now know t the meaning of apoplectic, i.e., I froze .  I was very shaky and just didn’t want to fall.  If I fell it would ruin the entire weekend.  I stood there frozen and my PT training kicked in; “shift your weight and take a step”.  I did this and it worked, but I had to talk myself through the entire process, which was scary. . Just like cooking I have challenges and I work through them.   

Those days and hours of PT are critical to the long-term rehabilitation of stroke survival. Six plus years later, lessons learned in the early days post stroke– surface time and time again.

“Get back on that trike!”

My last blog elicited concern from family and friends but don’t worry. For some reason, I was surprisingly calm during and after the event.  I guess it means I'm getting used to these things and the panic is gone. Twenty-four hours after my brake failing incident, I went on another ride (Bob gave me the necessary troubleshooting measures from afar).  During this ride three neighbors unsolicited, pulled over just to say hi and to introduce themselves.  It was pure joy.  The trike is so unusual looking that people are curious and want to know more.  One new neighbor whom I had not yet met pulled over to introduce herself and thank me for the cookies I had delivered the previous day.  Her young daughter leaned out of the window to tell me how much she liked the cookies, which were packed for her school lunch that day.  I was overwhelmed with glee.  I have to admit my trepidation due to concern over the brakes. Bob will return to Austin for the weekend and I’m planning to ask him to shadow me on my route to allay my family’s fears.  My goals are 30 miles per week to reduce the atrophy in my legs. My vanity has no bounds.

be careful out there

Bob started his new job in Houston on Monday so I rely on my neighbor to help me get on my trike in the evenings. On Monday, I set out for a 10-mile ride.    I stressed the brake system on a big hill that resulted in an issue later during my ride.   (While tackling a big hill, I was four gears away from the easiest or granny gear and had to rely on the brakes quite a bit).  While returning, I rode by a tennis court and my reflector light fell off.  I was going back to retrieve it and while turning around and going downhill, my brakes failed.  I had to circle the cars at the tennis court twice since I had no way to stop.  On the third go round, I ran off the road on the right and into a small bush to stop the trike.  The whole time I was circling I was yelling: “HELP.” A couple playing tennis helped me retrieve my light, turned me around, and fixed my brake.  When I relayed the story to Bob, he asked if I explained that I couldn’t walk, etc.  I find  it interesting that I’m reminded of the stroke every time I take a step, but when this happened it nevereven occurred to me to explain to this couple that I had a stroke and couldn’t turn the trike around on my own.

These challenges strengthen my resolve to continue to exercise and keep my mind alert.