started with a whimper and ended with a bang!

On Easter Sunday Elizabeth and I drove 12 hours to Kansas City to get ready for a week of rehab. The drive was uneventful and easy for me because I just sit there. Elizabeth and I seem to have endless conversation because we never turn on the music.   The next 3 days we worked on fine tuning my weak spots. And I have many that get uncovered as the days progress.  For example, my   left foot turns out 45 degrees when I walk I don’t walk with my feet shoulder width apart and my left foot alignment is not really in front of my right.  It’s a wonder I walk at all after getting critiqued by Tracy, my physical therapist.  We practiced getting down up from the floor in the event I fall.  We worked a lot on my left arm which I tend to neglect because it doesn’t move.  I have purposefully built up my right arm but it is now so asymmetrical that I cannot afford to neglect the left anymore.  Elizabeth and her husband, Chuck have the world’s most comfortable home and guest room.  I was treated like royalty for 4 days.  The first morning Chuck made French toast and sizzled ham for breakfast.  Every evening we sat on their l patio on a lake, drank wine while Chuck prepared dinner.  Every night was something unique and delicious.   I don’t have the words to express how grateful I am for their hospitality and interest in my rehab.  We discovered that my leg brace no longer fits me and II was fitted for a new one so will return to K.C in a week or so.

Ending with a bang, I flew home today.  After landing, the support person wheeled me to the baggage claim area.  I requested a bathroom stop first. She took me to the handicap bathroom.  I walk in, put my phone on the counter and walk to the toilet.  On the way, I tripped and fell.  I can’t really explain why I fell.  I think I tripped on the drain in the middle of the floor.   I think, there is a bar here so I can get up by myself.  But, I’m also creeped out about being on this bathroom floor I’m weighing practicing my Tracy teachings with taking the easy way out.   So I drag myself to the door and ask the attendant to help me up. She does and I get up and now totally rattled at what just happened. I’m worried that I could have really been hurt and broken something, but I didn’t.

You CAN get there from here

On Thursday morning I was preparing for my sister-in law, Elizabeth’s visit by tidying up our outside patio area.  Before Bob left for work he set up the shop vac so I could vacuum the oak flowers that blanket the patio. I put my wheelchair outside and have to vacuum while rolling around in my wheelchair.   After two hours of vacuuming, I decide to try and get some of the leaves in the flower beds.  To do this I need to change the hose attachment.  It is on pretty tight and a challenge one-handed so I put the hose between my legs and try to push apart the attachment from the hose.  In doing so at one point I pushed too hard my chair back wheel rolled off the sidewalk.  I am now stuck and cannot get the chair back on even ground. The more I try, the more I’m digging into the dirt in the blower bed.  It’s like a flat tire spinning in the mud and just digging a deeper trench. My mind is racing trying to determine my options Do I wait 1.5 hours for Elizabeth to show up?  Do I wait 5 hours for Bob to get home at 4?  What if I have to go to the bathroom? What if Elizabeth calls and I can’t get to my cell phone.  What do I do?  Then it suddenly hit me.  I can freakin’ walk?  Just get up!  So I did and pulled the wheel chair out of the ditch.  A hospital memory came to mind that I really didn’t know I had a stroke until I tried to walk and couldn’t.  I my mind I could walk but if I tried I would fall.  This experience was almost the opposite I could walk but didn’t know it for a minute or two.

aPRIL TRAVELS BRING . . .

The next 45 days I have 2 possibly 3 trips planned

The first trip is going to Kansas City for some much needed rehab with my friend and physical therapist, Tracy.  Bob’s sister and I are driving to Kansas City next weekend and after Easter I will have 4 days of 5 – 6 hours per day “boot-camp”.  Tracy runs a facility for stroke survivors where Bob’s sister also volunteers In my home I exercise every day:   I ride the  stationary bike, lift weights, and use a pulley,to exercise my left arm. I am in a comfort zone here. The facility in Kansas City knocks me out of my comfort zone by exercising my left arm using a machine that stretches my arm.  In the past, I can  hardly do the motion without pain. Wewalk on a treadmill to better simulate walking.  Both of these exercises are difficult for me and frankly uncomfortable In fact, while on the treadmill, I can barely put one foot in front of the other.  It is very humbling and frustrating for me but I am determined this trip to try and conquer my fearsand master the walking.

Think about it this way; after an earthquake the comment is often hear “I could no longer trust the ground beneath my feet”. I have this feeling every day. Because I cannot feel my leg I have to watch each foot placement. My peripheral vision is damaged so I see half the world in front of me and little just below the normal vision plane. Any unfamiliar terrain is a new challenge. Going to KC is an opportunity to work on uncomfortable ground.

The second trip is to be with a friend in Calistoga who just had a radical mastectomy. A mutual friend has a home in Calistoga and wants to treat herto some R&R before her chemotherapy starts.   I thought this was a beautiful gesture and honored to be asked to be a part of it.

The third trip is a sister’s reunion in Las Vegas.  Last Christmas my baby sister, Theresa, commented on how nice it might be if the six of us could take a trip together in 2012. Bob came up with the idea of Las Vegas because it's fairly central and sisters will come from Veromont, Kansas, Maryland and Texas  and because my sister, Susie has a big, beautiful home where we could all stay together We have dinner, show, and gambling plans but mainly just want to hang out and get to know each other again. My sisters were extraordinarily helpful during my seven month stay in the hospital after the stroke and subsequent rehab at home.  On the 6 year anniversary of the stroke, it will be nice to be with my sissies in some place other than a hospital. 

reversal of frailty

When I began the blog almost a year ago, I vowed to help stroke survivors with each one  and today’s is no exception. A year  ago I had my annual routine physical that included the usual stuff.  At the last minute I requested a bone density scan to get a baseline of the health of my bones since the stroke. The doctor was so alarmed at the results, he  ordered an immediate reclast drip. (Reclast is specifically for the treatment of osteoporosis.) I was going to say prescribed but he gave me was much stronger message. E.g., I was at risk of a spontaneous fracture.  I understood this to mean that I didn’t even haveto fall to experience a fracture.   I called my brother, Dr. John, for a second opinion and he was in strong agreement with my OB/GYN.  There were several factors contributing to the onset of osteoporosis  They were:  age, inactivity due to the stroke, and genetics.  I did the reclast drip immediately.  I agonized over these test results forever. (if I did have a fracture anywhere it could mean immobility again and I couldnt  expect Bob to nurse me through this again so My fear was it really meant a nursing home.  Fast forward one year and my annual took place on Wednesday.  It was the first time I looked forward to getting the bone scans but I just had to know if I improved. The doctor said not only had my scores improved, I actually gained bone densityand I was in the process of reversing the bone loss.  I was elated.   I attribute the results to the Reclast drip primarily, a lot  more activity, Calcium supplements daily and Vitamin D as often as I can get it. 

If you are a stroke survivor, please, please be as active as you can be, control the things you can like your Calcium intake, etc. Bob is more active lately too and this motivates me.  

anew purpose

Last week and this week my time is consumed with the contract work I am doing.  I absolutely love what I’m doing and every day wake up with a purpose.  I thank my colleagues/friends from Compaq for this opportunity.  Of course it is not a full time job so I can weave in activities such as a Mardi Gras  lunch, a business lunch for a potential new contract and in general just catching up with friends.

The mardi Gras lunch was hosted by my friend and fellow stroke survivor, Claire. Who  invited us all to a Cajun restaurant on the 21^st.  It was festive and fun because all employees were in their finest Mardi Gras costumes.  Claire brought beads for all of us and we didn’t even have to expose ourselves.  Bob would say “so what is the fun in that?”

We had 3 21 yr.-old college students join us It was different to be asked by them:  “what is Mardi Gras?” something you just take for granted everyone knows. I Did not have any plans to give up something for Lent.  A when I spoke to my parents on Ash Wednesday, I learned what they gave up and I felt it was enough to cover both of us. My girlfriends and I have  had or hosted an Oscar party for the last 10 years.  Sunday night was no exception.  My friend, Sheila had us over for pizza, salad and movie candy.  A good time for all. 

Friends - "Youve got to have them"

One of my favorite artists of all time is Bette midler and one of my favorite songs she performs is called Friends.   She repeats this lyric “Well you got to have friends.”  Throughout her song for me it could not be more appropriate A few examples:

When I was in the hospital, Bob blogged about buying me therapy clothes when I first began physical therapy within days, my friend Sandra and sister, Suzie sent boxes of therapy clothes. They wanted to be certain that bobs taste in selecting therapy clothes was congruent with my taste.

When I was close to leaving the hospital, I was not eating and bob blogged about this and my love of malted milk balls.  Every time someone visited subsequent to that blog they showed up with malted milk balls.  Specifically, my friend, Mary visited from Connecticut and showed up with malted milk balls.

My sister-in-law Laura made countless home cooked meals to try to get me to eat since hospital food was not working.  Laura is a gourmet and her meals ranged from gumbo to biscuits to oups.  Yum! 

A few weeks ago I blogged about making pancakes and the difficulty of zesting a lemon with one hand.  Within 1 day, my friend Terry found a one-handed zester.

I was talking with my sister-in-law, Elizabeth about all this and she suggested I mention how much I like Tory Burch handbags or Isaac Mizrahi clothing.  I think in the future I have to be more careful because the generosity and thoughtfulness of friends is overwhelming at times for example for Valentine’s Day, Bob gave me a very beautiful, exquisite Labradorite necklace.  Fortunately for me the “friends” theme extends to my husband. Invariably, I am leaving someone out so   A heartfelt thank you to all my friends and family for their ongoing thoughtfulness.

spring in my step

2 things put a spring in my step today.  Ill list and then explain.

1.      Signed a deal for contract work and get to work again with an ex Compaq colleague and friend

2.      Made lemon/blueberry pancakes for breakfast without assistance.

Bob and I have a Sunday morning ritual where we try to  devour the New York Times with minimal interruptions.  So, it was important for me to make these pancakes solo. I didn’t think it would be a problem until I remembered I had to zest a lemon. I held the zester in my lap and tried to slide the lemon over it but quickly figured out the zester had to be upside down in order for it to work,  Then I had to figure out where the zest was going to go since all this was happening in my lap while in my wheelchair. I could not stand up and hold the zester and lemon and slide lemon at the same time. There was no way I was going to ask Bob for help because I was determined to do this on my own. I recognize my stubbornness can really be annoying.

It worked out and the cakes turned out fine.  I have not yet mastered flipping and need the right tool for this however.

The contract work is an opportunity for me to” get back in the game” and work again taking small steps . The company is based in Oregon and led by two ex-Compaq colleagues.   I will provide marketing services that includes writing copy for collateral materials and recommended messaging the he company develops hosts, maintains and supports enterprise-level software applications geared toward the retail grocery market.  There is not enough space in my log to describe how it feels to #1 be working again and #2 working  with these  colleagues again.  My goal is to parlay this into more projects.