restoring order

I just returned from Kansas City and staying with my sister and brother-in law.    It was a follow-up appointment to pick up my leg brace that I was measured for last week.  Elizabeth thought I needed at least 2 days to get the brace, wear it, and get reviewed by a physical therapist. She was absolutely correct. It took 4 trips to the orthotist to make all the necessary tweaks. Once again I was humbled by Tracy, the physical therapist.  She tries to fine tune my walking, teach me how to get up off the floor in the event that I fall and work my left arm since I tend to ignore it.  I give myself a D+ for the work I did with Tracy.  I have a major mental block when it comes to trusting my left leg and putting all my weight on it.  This is particularly important when it comes to stepping up on curbs. I have to be able to put all my weight on the left leg. It is absolutely imperative that I learn to do this.  For example,   if I want to be able to step up on curbs unassisted, here is the process:  I lift my right leg up onto the curb and follow with my left.  It’s something that comes very natural to most folks.  For me, after I place my right foot up, I get nervous, paralyzed and can’t move my left foot up  I literally freeze, become paralyzed. I think it is my fear of falling And the many stitches from previous falls.   It is so strange because there are three people ready to catch me if I fall in this safe environment.  It’s a total mental thing.  It is very frustrating because if I would just put all the weight in my left leg, rely on my cane for balance, I could totally walk more normal.  I am open for suggestions on how to accomplish this  The good news is my new blue snake skin brace fits great and is pretty cool – Hello summer dresses and shorts!

As always, I had a wonderful time at my sister-in-law's, chez Johnson.  She and her husband give me the red carpet treatment they wait on me so much that it becomes a problem when I return home.  Restoring order can be a tall order. But someone has to do it.

started with a whimper and ended with a bang!

On Easter Sunday Elizabeth and I drove 12 hours to Kansas City to get ready for a week of rehab. The drive was uneventful and easy for me because I just sit there. Elizabeth and I seem to have endless conversation because we never turn on the music.   The next 3 days we worked on fine tuning my weak spots. And I have many that get uncovered as the days progress.  For example, my   left foot turns out 45 degrees when I walk I don’t walk with my feet shoulder width apart and my left foot alignment is not really in front of my right.  It’s a wonder I walk at all after getting critiqued by Tracy, my physical therapist.  We practiced getting down up from the floor in the event I fall.  We worked a lot on my left arm which I tend to neglect because it doesn’t move.  I have purposefully built up my right arm but it is now so asymmetrical that I cannot afford to neglect the left anymore.  Elizabeth and her husband, Chuck have the world’s most comfortable home and guest room.  I was treated like royalty for 4 days.  The first morning Chuck made French toast and sizzled ham for breakfast.  Every evening we sat on their l patio on a lake, drank wine while Chuck prepared dinner.  Every night was something unique and delicious.   I don’t have the words to express how grateful I am for their hospitality and interest in my rehab.  We discovered that my leg brace no longer fits me and II was fitted for a new one so will return to K.C in a week or so.

Ending with a bang, I flew home today.  After landing, the support person wheeled me to the baggage claim area.  I requested a bathroom stop first. She took me to the handicap bathroom.  I walk in, put my phone on the counter and walk to the toilet.  On the way, I tripped and fell.  I can’t really explain why I fell.  I think I tripped on the drain in the middle of the floor.   I think, there is a bar here so I can get up by myself.  But, I’m also creeped out about being on this bathroom floor I’m weighing practicing my Tracy teachings with taking the easy way out.   So I drag myself to the door and ask the attendant to help me up. She does and I get up and now totally rattled at what just happened. I’m worried that I could have really been hurt and broken something, but I didn’t.

You CAN get there from here

On Thursday morning I was preparing for my sister-in law, Elizabeth’s visit by tidying up our outside patio area.  Before Bob left for work he set up the shop vac so I could vacuum the oak flowers that blanket the patio. I put my wheelchair outside and have to vacuum while rolling around in my wheelchair.   After two hours of vacuuming, I decide to try and get some of the leaves in the flower beds.  To do this I need to change the hose attachment.  It is on pretty tight and a challenge one-handed so I put the hose between my legs and try to push apart the attachment from the hose.  In doing so at one point I pushed too hard my chair back wheel rolled off the sidewalk.  I am now stuck and cannot get the chair back on even ground. The more I try, the more I’m digging into the dirt in the blower bed.  It’s like a flat tire spinning in the mud and just digging a deeper trench. My mind is racing trying to determine my options Do I wait 1.5 hours for Elizabeth to show up?  Do I wait 5 hours for Bob to get home at 4?  What if I have to go to the bathroom? What if Elizabeth calls and I can’t get to my cell phone.  What do I do?  Then it suddenly hit me.  I can freakin’ walk?  Just get up!  So I did and pulled the wheel chair out of the ditch.  A hospital memory came to mind that I really didn’t know I had a stroke until I tried to walk and couldn’t.  I my mind I could walk but if I tried I would fall.  This experience was almost the opposite I could walk but didn’t know it for a minute or two.

aPRIL TRAVELS BRING . . .

The next 45 days I have 2 possibly 3 trips planned

The first trip is going to Kansas City for some much needed rehab with my friend and physical therapist, Tracy.  Bob’s sister and I are driving to Kansas City next weekend and after Easter I will have 4 days of 5 – 6 hours per day “boot-camp”.  Tracy runs a facility for stroke survivors where Bob’s sister also volunteers In my home I exercise every day:   I ride the  stationary bike, lift weights, and use a pulley,to exercise my left arm. I am in a comfort zone here. The facility in Kansas City knocks me out of my comfort zone by exercising my left arm using a machine that stretches my arm.  In the past, I can  hardly do the motion without pain. Wewalk on a treadmill to better simulate walking.  Both of these exercises are difficult for me and frankly uncomfortable In fact, while on the treadmill, I can barely put one foot in front of the other.  It is very humbling and frustrating for me but I am determined this trip to try and conquer my fearsand master the walking.

Think about it this way; after an earthquake the comment is often hear “I could no longer trust the ground beneath my feet”. I have this feeling every day. Because I cannot feel my leg I have to watch each foot placement. My peripheral vision is damaged so I see half the world in front of me and little just below the normal vision plane. Any unfamiliar terrain is a new challenge. Going to KC is an opportunity to work on uncomfortable ground.

The second trip is to be with a friend in Calistoga who just had a radical mastectomy. A mutual friend has a home in Calistoga and wants to treat herto some R&R before her chemotherapy starts.   I thought this was a beautiful gesture and honored to be asked to be a part of it.

The third trip is a sister’s reunion in Las Vegas.  Last Christmas my baby sister, Theresa, commented on how nice it might be if the six of us could take a trip together in 2012. Bob came up with the idea of Las Vegas because it's fairly central and sisters will come from Veromont, Kansas, Maryland and Texas  and because my sister, Susie has a big, beautiful home where we could all stay together We have dinner, show, and gambling plans but mainly just want to hang out and get to know each other again. My sisters were extraordinarily helpful during my seven month stay in the hospital after the stroke and subsequent rehab at home.  On the 6 year anniversary of the stroke, it will be nice to be with my sissies in some place other than a hospital.